I’ve got a few problems I need to fix with my weight loss journey:
1. I occasionally get really anxious. My stomach gets constant butterflies and I feel on edge. I hate this feeling but haven’t yet been able to pinpoint a cause. I think it might be related to caffeine intake, especially when I have BPC, but the connection is not at all clear. It’s plaguing me this morning so I’m going to go eat breakfast a bit early and see if that helps.
2. The scale. It’s so frustrating. Last week I dropped a ton of weight and got down to 150 just to have it pop right back up to 154 and stay there. I hate that this is so slow sometimes and I get upset and lose perspective. I like weighing myself every day for the data and to have a daily reminder to eat mindfully, but then days like today happen where I am feeling grumpy and upset about the number on the scale. I’m considering spending a month off the scale but I would really, really like to get under 150 before I do that. And did I mention that I am fucking sick of running as a 154 pound person? That is a lot of excess weight to carry around and some days I feel like (and suspect I look like) a lumbering Snuffalupagus out there.
So there you go – my negativity dump for the day. As usual with anything people feel negatively about in their lives, this is all stuff I can change and I am creating these negative feelings for myself. I can choose to face challenges more positively, change the way I interact with this stuff (my choice architecture can change by not getting on the scale, for example), be more diligent about tracking mood to locate the cause of my anxiety, etc. I think I just needed to write this down to get it out of my head and remind myself that I can be different so I can go back in the living room, make myself some chia seed cereal, and have a great day.