Unstoppable and Unmovable

gift-voucherJust a couple of months ago I was in a decent routine with hot yoga, blogging, working on a side project, getting out for playdates, etc. But then suddenly it all fell apart, for no good reason other than it just did. I decided I needed to cut back on our budget so I stopped paying for the yoga studio and things cascaded from there. I went from a consistent and reliable schedule to no schedule, from 4 yoga classes per week at regular times to none, from blogging weekly to never, and from one side project to none but now with 3 different part time jobs AND a new side project AND a husband who is now out of the house instead of working from home! And all of this in about 2 months. My head is still spinning.

I’m learning just how critical good routines and habits are to happiness. As someone who has always been more of a spontaneous person, it’s very hard to maintain things like planners, to-do lists, and weekly routines. Not that they aren’t the best way to make sure I make time for the things that matter, but it just doesn’t come easily to me. So I find myself trying to re-establish some consistency but with a lot more moving parts now.

I read something about Enneagram 9s the other day that described how we are both unstoppable and unmovable. It’s very hard to get us started on something but once we get going we have to keep going and going and going. I totally get this and it’s why I can understand how I could go for quite a long time with a regular and consistent routine and then get derailed and find it close to impossible to get going again. Just two months ago I felt fine going to yoga 4 times per week even though it was a 2 hour commitment each time yet now that I stopped I have to convince myself again that I deserve that time for myself! It makes NO logical sense.

Slowly I am beginning to carve out a new schedule but it’s taking a long time since things keep getting added to the mix. But as of this week I at least know what my work commitments will be for the next few months and can try to start fitting in the healthy routines I need to feel like a person again, like I am thriving instead of surviving. Today was a good indication that I am making slow progress. I managed to do nothing while Jack napped besides write this blog and that felt pretty good.

My goal in the next two months is to find that sweet spot between work, family, and self and not feel as if any of them is suffering for lack of time or intention. I know I can get back there again. It just requires a little bit of giving grace to myself and not denying my own needs and wants for the sake of everything else, as I am always prone to do as a 9. A trip to the yoga studio is definitely overdue.